Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
