you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
