Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
