Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
