We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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