Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
