When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
