my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
