Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Come see our sink grown plant.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
