did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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