Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
