you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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