i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
