I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
