And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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