i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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