i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
