She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
