take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
