brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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