someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
