I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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