You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
