It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
