i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
