I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
