end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Rumble strips road head = magical
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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