They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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