The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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