I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
one two three fourrrrnication!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
