im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
