you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I look better un-naked...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
