I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
