if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
