did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
