Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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