Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
