We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she smelled like a LAN party
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
did you just send me my own nude
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
