What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
