the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
