Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
