Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
