If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
