so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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