So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
