he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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