Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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