You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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