If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
