Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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