thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
