I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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