Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize