There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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