saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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