When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i think i just lost a toe
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