that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
