just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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