i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up under a house in Key West
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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