u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize