He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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