dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
